Damien is 7 weeks old today and yesterday and today we got a few smiles! It makes it all worth it, it really does!!
Today I am getting my nails done for the first time since I got married almost 4 years ago! I miss my nails, I am so excited! I need to do things for myself again. The past 2.5 years have been all about the kids, and nothing about me. I need some time for me, before I go insane!
Anyone who knows me, knows that exercise is not in my vocabulary, but this week I have started my own little thing. Just 10 minutes for now until I work myself up. Mostly jogging around the house and doing a few moves I remember from high school gym class haha. Bryson follows me around laughing every time I do it. I just want to start feeling better about my self and my body. Ever since Damien has been born I have been thinking about me more and taking care of me for once. And damn does it feel nice!
I'm going to be 25 in June. I don't want to feel like an old boring hag anymore. My goals of this year are more focused on me, not just my kids and husband.
I want to go out a little bit, go do things, with my family and without them too. Have fun with friends, not feel so all alone like I have been. So as of today, that's been what I have been thinking, and now will start doing.
Not going to let this week of non stop cold rain being me down. In fact it had been keeping me going.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Crying Baby
I wish I had a happy baby, just once...
My first son was gassy, and was a little colicky, but this one definitely has it worse! He cries all the time, it's insane.
Yes, I gave up breastfeeding at 4 weeks (he is now 6.5 weeks), but he was gassy even when he nursed. I had so much hope breastfeeding would work out, it started out so good, but then it just kept getting worse. I was in so much pain, he nursed all the time, so my breasts never got a chance to heal. I had no time for my toddler, it was just too stressful. So one day I just snapped and gave up. I instantly felt so much better, although that meant that Damien's gas got worse.
I think his gas is getting a tiny bit better, but I think right now is his 6 week growth spurt. Damn, those are a bitch I tell you! I just wish I could bond with my baby, because when he doesn't cry it is great and I feel like we are bonding. It is just that he cries more than he doesn't cry.
I want to see him start to smile and laugh and be more silly and interact with us. I really can't wait for that day! It really gets so frustrating right now, with everything.
Right now my kids are not on the same schedule, but Damien is too small to adjust yet. I still got to let him lead the way. It will be so great when they can nap, eat, and play at the same time. So than I can have me time as well. It will also just make everything go more smoothly.
Ugh, I'm just frustrated right now, mixing with my hormones going back and it's just a little crazy. And my husband hinting that he wants no more kids just makes it worse on me. I want my little girl damn it, or my third boy, whatever fate leaves me. I just can't give up. Just the thought of that makes me extremely depressed.
For now, I got to get my baby to fart. Pushing his legs against his stomach, biking his legs, and tummy time helps the most.
It also sucks he doesn't really take a pacifier. Bryson loved his and it made life so much easier!
One day at a time, one dream at a time. Got to keep telling myself that...
My first son was gassy, and was a little colicky, but this one definitely has it worse! He cries all the time, it's insane.
Yes, I gave up breastfeeding at 4 weeks (he is now 6.5 weeks), but he was gassy even when he nursed. I had so much hope breastfeeding would work out, it started out so good, but then it just kept getting worse. I was in so much pain, he nursed all the time, so my breasts never got a chance to heal. I had no time for my toddler, it was just too stressful. So one day I just snapped and gave up. I instantly felt so much better, although that meant that Damien's gas got worse.
I think his gas is getting a tiny bit better, but I think right now is his 6 week growth spurt. Damn, those are a bitch I tell you! I just wish I could bond with my baby, because when he doesn't cry it is great and I feel like we are bonding. It is just that he cries more than he doesn't cry.
I want to see him start to smile and laugh and be more silly and interact with us. I really can't wait for that day! It really gets so frustrating right now, with everything.
Right now my kids are not on the same schedule, but Damien is too small to adjust yet. I still got to let him lead the way. It will be so great when they can nap, eat, and play at the same time. So than I can have me time as well. It will also just make everything go more smoothly.
Ugh, I'm just frustrated right now, mixing with my hormones going back and it's just a little crazy. And my husband hinting that he wants no more kids just makes it worse on me. I want my little girl damn it, or my third boy, whatever fate leaves me. I just can't give up. Just the thought of that makes me extremely depressed.
For now, I got to get my baby to fart. Pushing his legs against his stomach, biking his legs, and tummy time helps the most.
It also sucks he doesn't really take a pacifier. Bryson loved his and it made life so much easier!
One day at a time, one dream at a time. Got to keep telling myself that...
Monday, April 8, 2013
Here We Go
Okay, I know, I suck at keeping up with a blog. My last one lasted 16 posts, woot! Haha...
But looking back at that, I was trying too hard. Making goals, trying to talk about all these things.... A total first time mom thing. This time I just plan to go with the flow, write what's on my mind, no themes or such, just be fun and me.
I'm not gonna promise nothing, as I have two kids and two part time jobs. I just think it may be good to write out some things, it seems like good therapy! Sometimes I think I need real therapy, but anyways, here I am, and here we go....
Feel free to follow me if you wish! Not sure how exciting this will be, but if you are a friend, or are just someone in the same boat as me, wishing for a little girl or a little boy maybe, hey, we are all in this together! Lets dream together! Because at the end of the day, a dream is what you have before you start the next day!
Have a great rainy day everyone! I know I am enjoying my last week before returning to work.
:)
But looking back at that, I was trying too hard. Making goals, trying to talk about all these things.... A total first time mom thing. This time I just plan to go with the flow, write what's on my mind, no themes or such, just be fun and me.
I'm not gonna promise nothing, as I have two kids and two part time jobs. I just think it may be good to write out some things, it seems like good therapy! Sometimes I think I need real therapy, but anyways, here I am, and here we go....
Feel free to follow me if you wish! Not sure how exciting this will be, but if you are a friend, or are just someone in the same boat as me, wishing for a little girl or a little boy maybe, hey, we are all in this together! Lets dream together! Because at the end of the day, a dream is what you have before you start the next day!
Have a great rainy day everyone! I know I am enjoying my last week before returning to work.
:)
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