Crying Baby

I wish I had a happy baby, just once...

My first son was gassy, and was a little colicky, but this one definitely has it worse! He cries all the time, it's insane.

Yes, I gave up breastfeeding at 4 weeks (he is now 6.5 weeks), but he was gassy even when he nursed. I had so much hope breastfeeding would work out, it started out so good, but then it just kept getting worse. I was in so much pain, he nursed all the time, so my breasts never got a chance to heal. I had no time for my toddler, it was just too stressful. So one day I just snapped and gave up. I instantly felt so much better, although that meant that Damien's gas got worse.

I think his gas is getting a tiny bit better, but I think right now is his 6 week growth spurt. Damn, those are a bitch I tell you! I just wish I could bond with my baby, because when he doesn't cry it is great and I feel like we are bonding. It is just that he cries more than he doesn't cry.

I want to see him start to smile and laugh and be more silly and interact with us. I really can't wait for that day! It really gets so frustrating right now, with everything.

Right now my kids are not on the same schedule, but Damien is too small to adjust yet. I still got to let him lead the way. It will be so great when they can nap, eat, and play at the same time. So than I can have me time as well. It will also just make everything go more smoothly.

Ugh, I'm just frustrated right now, mixing with my hormones going back and it's just a little crazy. And my husband hinting that he wants no more kids just makes it worse on me. I want my little girl damn it, or my third boy, whatever fate leaves me. I just can't give up. Just the thought of that makes me extremely depressed.

For now, I got to get my baby to fart. Pushing his legs against his stomach, biking his legs, and tummy time helps the most.

It also sucks he doesn't really take a pacifier. Bryson loved his and it made life so much easier!

One day at a time, one dream at a time. Got to keep telling myself that...